My Reflection: An Open Letter
It has been over 3 months since my last blog post. I came back to my full time job and I had forgotten about the joy and the positive things that blogging brought to my life. I'm not always good at talking about my feelings, but there is something about writing that helps release all the emotions I have inside. Today will mark the beginning of my first day back into the blogging world for 2019. And I must say, I missed you so.
I decided to do my first post in 2019 about my self reflection in the past year. I know some might say I'm late, but to me, it's never too late. I just needed some time to gather my heart, my soul and thoughts together. I will do it in a form of an open letter to everything that I reflected on in the past year. A letter to God, my family, my friends, my husband, my house, and to myself. So here we go..
You have truly tested me in all aspects of my life through the years. I know people often say that I'm a strong person. I do believe that I am, but I do have my moments when I feel vulnerable, helpless and in need of some answers. I don't ever question why things happened the way they did in my life because I learned to respond to them like; "there is always a better tomorrow" or "something always good comes out from the bad".
I'm mostly very strong and positive when it comes to life challenges but lets not forget that I am still a human being. Sometimes, I get sad. I get really sad. It's not easy telling myself to get it together or to find the energy to get up every single day when I feel so low or incomplete, but I do it because I know this is all part of life and these are challenges I have to face to build a better me.
In short, I just want to say thank you for all of it. its not easy, but thank you for always trying to make me a stronger person than I am now.
Thank you for believing that I will make it through any obstacles you throw at me. This is truly a definition that nothing in life comes easy because every struggle that I go through, you always gifted me with something so tremendously great at the end. I thank you for all the good times and for all the blessings in my life. I thank you for giving me what I have now and for providing me way more than I need. I know you have plans for me, and I will vigorously go through it with you by my side. I may not be feeling 100% right now, but knowing you will be there guiding me all through this is enough to know things will get better. Only you can understand the pain I'm feeling and only you can guide me to recovery. I give my trust in you.
Dear Family, (Le & Cunanan/Mercado)
I'm so amazed on how much we've grown. I can honestly say 2018 brought us closer together. The way how I feel about you guys is exactly what I've always dreamed of how to feel one day about my family. I truly feel more love and connected with you all. I know we've been through a lot, but the relationship I now have with you all only shows how strong the bond we built by sticking together and never giving up on each other.
Life have thrown us so many curve balls, but with enough understanding, communication, and compassion for one another, we can go through anything and as long as we are together. In this family, we are real, we make mistakes, we say I'm sorry, we give second chances, we have fun, we give hugs, we trust, we stay loyal, we give support, and we most definitely give love. I appreciate and love you all with all my heart. I cannot wait to create more fun family memories with you all.
It's hard to know who is real and who isn't. It's hard to know who comes with good intentions and who doesn't especially when it comes to friends. When I trust, I trust hard. When I call you my friend, you truly are to me. I cannot read nor do I know what goes inside your head, but I can only wish that you feel the same way I feel towards you. I don't easily let people inside my life, but when I do, I do it with an open heart. I cannot speak on your behalf about how you truly feel about me, but I can speak on mine.
Friendship is not an easy relationship. It also goes through a lot of trials, difficulties, just like being in a regular relationship. It's a bond that is built on trust. I might not be the perfect friend to some of you, but trust me, I do my best. I care more about how you feel, sometimes more than how I care about mine. When I feel like I've hurt your feelings (unintentionally of course) I beat myself up to it harder and worst than you think. Hurting someone I care about isn't exactly something I can stomach. But we make mistakes and all we can do is to learn from it and learn how to be better.
2018 opened my eyes to a lot of things and I wanted 2019 to have a better relationship with all of you. I want to build myself around people who can be happy and excited for one another. Let's not let petty things, insecurities, jealousy, selfishness, judgmental attitude and pride get in between our friendship. Let's be more supportive of one another and lift each other up. Let's be real, be true, be loyal and be compassionate of one another. I've left all the negativity behind a long time ago and this time, I will burry it. You will never hear me talk negative about you even when I feel hurt. You will never see me doubt you even when you are truly testing my patience. One of the most beautiful qualities of friendship is to understand and to be understood. Lets love one another without any expectations. For the ones who loved me even with my flaws, and who never doubted me, I am so very lucky to have you in my life.
You are all my best friends. Each one of you carry a quality that makes you unique and special that I admire the most. Each one of your great qualities contributed to who I am and who I want to be. Because of that, I will forever be grateful for you.
You are the definition of an influencer. You have no idea how many people you've influenced and how many people admires your talent and work. Sometimes, you are truly a freaking genius at everything you do and everything you are passionate about. You never fail to amaze me even though sometimes I'm not very good at showing it. (I'm sorry)
I whole heartedly believe that you are the reason why other husband becomes better husband to their spouse because you're not afraid to show the world how deep is your love. You've touched many people's lives in a positive light and it showed during your misery. The amount of people that was there for you and reached out to you defines the type of person you truly are.
What I admire the most about you is that you are strong, more than you think. In the past years, you've overcome so many hardship in life and I am proud of you for never giving up and keeping your head high. When you want something done, you make it happen. You have this drive that makes you unstoppable to achieve whatever you set your mind to. I just wish you could see more of that and focus on your achievements and reflect on everything you've accomplished in life. I know sometimes I can be hard on you, but thats only because I want you to be strong and to always believe in yourself even when things gets tough. We are completely opposite when it comes to a lot of things, but there is one thing we have in common, and that's how we want our life to be and how we would never let anybody stop us from succeeding in life.
This year, I promise to be more understanding. I will try my best to be calmer. I promise to support you and to always be your "push" to achieve the impossible. I promise to always be your guide and to always be by your side every step of the way. You are my partner, my safe place, and my love. I promise to love you every second and every minute of the day. I love you with all my heart. <3
I'm sorry for what happened. This wasn't the way how I wanted to part ways. It was hard to stay positive and keep a straight face when deep inside I felt lost, heart broken, and confused during the incident. It felt so unreal and hoping it was just a bad dream waiting for someone to wake me up from. Nobody saw this coming and I definitely wasn't expecting to return from a trip with no house to come home to.
With all that said, I just wanted to thank you for being such a wonderful home to us. Thank you for all the memories and for giving us the security we needed while we were there. You are strong and I know in no time, you will come back looking even better. You are going to be a beautiful home who will get a lot of love and people will continue to adore you... Just be patient.
This year, it's time to focus on giving yourself your own loving attention. You need to stop beating yourself up when things go wrong especially when you have no control over it. It's time to give yourself more credit and to work on being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but still standing. It's time to be kind, and too be good to yourself. You need to invest in your mind, invest in your health, and invest in yourself. Remember, you are capable of amazing things and never stop believing!